Sunday, January 17, 2010

Best of Simpsons

SIMPSONS series is a satirical parody of a working class American lifestyle epitomized by its eponymous family, which consists of Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie. The show is set in the fictional city of Springfield, and lampoons American culture, society, television and many aspects of the human condition. Here are the handpicked gems of the show by the characters of the series and their take on human philosophy 









Sideshow Bob: Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?
Ralph: Me fail English? That’s unpossible.
Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless.

Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.


 Homer: Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk.
Homer: Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that’s even remotely true!
"If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers!"






Bart: I am through with working. Working is for chumps.
Homer: Son, I'm proud of you! I was twice your age when I figured that out.


Homer: Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!

Lionel Hutz: This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.”
Operator! Give me the number for 911!
Principal Skinner: That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe           anything you tell them.



Homer: Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get.

Sideshow Bob: You want the truth! You can't handle the truth! No truth handler you! Bah! I deride your truth handling abilities!

Homer: Oh, so they have Internet on computers now!
Chief Wiggum: Can’t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can’t be policing the entire city!
I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

I used to be with it, but then they changed what 'it' was. Now, what I'm with isn't it, and what's 'it' seems weird and scary

 Chief Wiggum: Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2.
Sideshow Bob: I’ll be back. You can’t keep the Democrats out of the White House forever, and when they get in, I’m back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.
You heard me; I won't be in for the rest of the week... I told you! My baby beat me up! No, it is not the worst excuse I ever thought up.



Homer: How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that
Homer: Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Homer: When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.
[Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]
Hee hee! Look at this country!'You are gay.'



Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. 

Lionel Hutz: Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.”
Chief Wiggum: I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

 I don't mind being called a liar when I am lying, when I am about to lie or just   finished lying... but not when I am telling the truth.

Sideshow Bob: No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived      to tell about it.
 I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?

Homer: I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman.
Homer: Fame was like a drug. But what was even more like a drug were the drugs.
Remember that postcard Grandpa sent us from Florida of that Alligator biting that woman's bottom? That's right, we all thought it was hilarious. But, it turns out we were wrong. That alligator was sexually harrassing that woman.





"Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done."


Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such.

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Ned Flanders: I’ve done everything the Bible says — even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!
Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure... not even close.

"Unfortunately, son, we Simpsons sometimes have to bend the rules a little in order to hold our own."

Homer: I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!
The strong must protect the Sweet.

The sooner kids talk, the sooner they talk back. I hope you never say a word.

Comic Book Guy: Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that’s a *really* useful invention!
Homer: Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?
Homer: [Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
  
It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in 8 hours of TV a day.
Oh, people can come up with statistics to prove anything, Kent. 14% of people know that.













3 comments:

  1. I stumbled upon your blog by mere accident and found myself amazed by the quality ("") of it.

    Took myself some time to read everything and I really think you're doing a great job. So just keep on doing it. :P

    (And we laugh at these Simpsons statements just because they're funny or because we found ourselves thinking the same way as they do?)

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  2. Thank you for the appreciation.....still startd though......

    ReplyDelete