Friday, January 22, 2010

Kids will be kids....anecdotes

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
                                                    Phyllis Diller

Well most parents will know what I am talking about, insanity is hereditary, you can get it from your kids . Actually humans are one of the few species in this world who do not eat their kids but those little rascals nonetheless continue to amuse us with their innocent and mischievous liveliness. Here are some of the most cute things said by kids around the world...

Kids will be kids...

BRITTANY had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she’d have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: ‘How does it know it’s me?’

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'"
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"

A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why
on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

A kid was watching a commercial for disposable diapers. The baby in the commercial was crying because her diaper was wet he jumped up and ran into the kitchen. She came back to the living room with a hammer in her hand and headed straight for the TV. Her dad grabbed her and asked, "BOBBI, WHY WOULD YOU BREAK OUR TELEVISION?" In an angelic voice she replied, "Dat baby been crying awl day! I takin' her out and changin' her diaper!"

David, 5, went to his best friend's house to play. But when Zack's mother, Judy, answered the door she informed David that Zack had chicken pox and couldn't play.David simply stood there, looking dumbfounded. "Have you had chicken pox?" Judy asked. David placed his hands on his hips and emphatically told her, "No! I'll tell you what I did have." Judy was quite impressed to think that a five year old would know which childhood diseases he had so she listened as David informed her: "I had white bread, bologna and mustard but I didn't have no chicken pox! So now can Zack play?"

Erica, 4, was sitting next to her Grampa on the couch. She kept glancing sideways at his enormous pot belly. "You know, Grampa," Erica said, "you have a big belly." Grampa, amused by the comment, played along. "Yes," he said, "that's because before I came over here to visit I ate a watermelon." Erica very seriously answered, "Next time you should cut it first."

Jasmine, 4, was very excited about attending preschool. One day when her mother asked the usual, "How was school today?" she sadly replied that it was not a good day. "Why?" her mother asked. "My teacher said I have TWO moms," Jasmine said. "What?!" her mother said. "I drew a picture for you," Jasmine explained, "and she said to write 'TWO MOM' on it." Then Jasmine handed her mother the picture which had the words 'WON MOM' (one mom) written across it. "Oh, I see," her mother said. "Your teacher wanted you to write 'To: Mom.' That means 'for mom.'" Jasmine replied in utter confusion, "You mean I have FOUR MOMS?"

Tom took Catie, 4, to watch the airplanes at the Air Force base in Okinawa, Japan, where he is stationed. When an airplane took off, Tom told Catie, "Honey, that's the sound of freedom." A few days later Tom and Catie were outside when a plane flew overheard. Catie looked at Tom and said, "Daddy, I like airplanes, but freedom sure is loud!" Catie is the daughter of Tom and Carla Nelson of Okinawa.

9-year-old Phillip was reading the ingredients on a container of make-up. "Not tested on animals," Phillip exclaimed "Duhhhh. When do dogs wear blush?"

Sharon Shea was driving down the road with her 5-year-old niece. They were chatting about nothing in particular when suddenly the little girl said, "Is Diet Coke supposed to make you skinny?" Sharon said yes. Her niece looked at her very seriously and said, "I don't think it's doing you any good!"

A 4-year-old told his mother, "I don't want to go to heaven." In amazement, she said, "Why?" "Because I couldn't watch TV or play games or do my Ninja moves," he said. "You can do whatever you want in heaven," his mother said. Not convinced, the 4-year-old said, "How with the stupid wings flapping all the time?"

When her grandmother noticed that she had the stamp of a flower on her hand,Hanah explained, "When you are good in school, the teacher gives you astamp on your hand." Later when her grandmother was in the kitchen, Hanah rushed in to tell her something special was on TV. When they reached the TV, she said, "Look, Grandma, he must have been a really good boy!" It was Dennis Rodman - the basketball player who is covered with tattoos!

Glenda, 3, was watching her mother put on face cream. "Why are you putting that on your face, Mama?" she asked. "It's supposed to make me beautiful," her mother said. "Well," Glenda blurted out, "they lied to you, Mama!"

Glenn, 5, was talking to a visitor in their home. When asked, "Where did you get those pretty blue eyes?" Glenn thought for a moment and replied, "God gave them to me and Mama put them in!"

Olga and her family visited the Ron and Debbie . They spent the night in the their beautiful new home. "How did you sleep?" Debbie asked Olga. "Oh, I slept like a million bucks in your bed!" Olga exclaimed. "How did you sleep, honey?" Debbie asked Kyrie, 7. "Like a dollar," Kyrie replied.

The substitute teacher asked a four-year-old what his name was. "Spider-Man," said my son.
"No, I mean your real name," pressed the teacher.
The kid apologized. "Oh, I"m sorry. It"s Peter Parker."

Kids Views on Relationships

MARC was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: ‘Why is he whispering in her mouth?’

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. - Kirsten, age 10

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. - Derrick, age 8

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. - Lynnette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. - Martin, age 10

When they're rich. - Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. - Curt, age 7

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? - Kelvin, age 8

Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck. - Ricky, age 10


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