Wednesday, January 20, 2010

funniest one liners

Brevity is the soul of wit.
                                   William Shakespeare

How profound, because if you've got the wit, you can make anything into a melody, ultimately.So In this post we continue to amuse you with more witty one liners and guess what there are some more of the funny posters......

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.

My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

I asked him, "Who said you could fool around with my wife?" He said, "Everybody."

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two!

No one has ever complained of a parachute not opening.

Do you know of a fellow who parked his car in front of board which said FINE FOR PARKING

Once, somebody stole our car. I asked my wife if she saw who it was. She said, "No, but I did get the license number".

I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous… everyone hasn't met me yet.

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