Wednesday, January 20, 2010

School humor.....

For lack of attention a thousand forms of loveliness elude us every day.
                                                                                                Evelyn Underhill

This rings so true in this frantic world, so why don’t we let our hair down for some moments and revel in the absurdity of these retorts by kids when prompted to answer…….
All the answers given below are actual answer given by children throughout the world, handpicked from around the web; these answers will certainly bring a smile on your face.

These are the winners of the "worst analogies ever written in a high school essay" contest

His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes…

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

Mary was as interested in Joey as she was in a two-day old tuna sandwich left on the kitchen table, hidden by a dishcloth. This perplexed Joey.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.


Science Misconceptions among kids

A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up here these days.

Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.

Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.

Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.

Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother.

Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.

To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.

In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's.

I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.

Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.

A monsoon is a French gentleman.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.

It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.

Wind is like the air, only pushier.

Wisdom in a nutshell :)

A Virginia teacher presented each child in her class with the first half of a well-known proverb, a different adage to each child, asking that they complete the adage at home. The following were among the replies she received.

Strike while the . . . bug is close.

Never underestimate . . . the power of termites.

You can lead a horse to water but . . . How?

Don't bite the hand that . . . looks dirty.

No news is . . . impossible

A miss is as good as a . . . Mr.

If you lie down with dogs . . . you'll stink in the morning.

Love all, trust . . . me.

The pen is mightier than the . . . pigs.

Where there's smoke there's . . . pollution.

Happy the bride who . . . gets all the presents.

A penny saved is . . . not much.

Two's company, three's . . . the Musketeers.

Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and . . . you have to blow your nose.

Children should be seen and not . . . spanked or grounded.

If at first you don't succeed . . . get new batteries.

You get out of something only what you . . . see in the picture on the box

When the blind lead the blind . . . get out of the way.

A bird in the hand . . . is going to poop on you.

Better late than . . . Pregnant

A beautiful insight into the present education system

Last week I purchased a burger for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register.
I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help.
While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried.
Why do I tell you this?
Please read more about the "history of teaching math":

Teaching Math In 1950
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1960
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1970
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

Teaching Math In 1980
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math In 1990
By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the logger makes $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down the trees. (There are no wrong answers.)


  1. Just what I needed on a Friday!

  2. Totally hilarious...liked it!

    I'm in high school right now, taking Algebra 2. That right there sums up all of my courses.