Thursday, February 4, 2010

Have a happy period!!

Well we are well aware that the women go through intense  mood swings during their periods because of hormonal disturbances but this women took it a step further when she shot down an angry(and a rather funny) letter to a maxi pad company ,accusing its male head of insensitivity.

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your ‘Always’ maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.
But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from ‘the curse’? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body.

Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ‘an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.’ Isn’t the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from ‘Aunt Flo’. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants… Which brings me to the reason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ‘Have a Happy Period.’

Are you ------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?
FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything ‘happy’ about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like ‘Put down the Hammer’ or ‘Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong’, or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull sh*t.
And that’s a promise I will keep. Always!

Best wishes,
Your soon to be ex-customer

Hormone Hostage 

Every Hormone Hostage knows that there are certain days in the month when all he has to do to take his life in his own hands is open his mouth! Use this handy guide before speaking!

Dangerous:     What's for dinner?
Safer:     Can I help with dinner?
Safest:     Where would you like to go for dinner?
Ultrasafe:     Here, have some wine.
Dangerous:     Are you wearing that?
Safer:     Wow, you look good in brown!
Safest:     WOW! Look at you!
Ultrasafe:     Here, have some wine
Dangerous:     What are you so worked up about?
Safer:     Could we be overreacting?
Safest:     Here's my paycheck.
Ultrasafe:     Here, have some wine.
Dangerous:     Should you be eating that?
Safer:     You know, there are a lot of apples left.
Safest:     Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?
Ultrasafe:     Here, have some wine.
Dangerous:     What did you do all day?
Safer:     I hope you didn't over-do it today.
Safest:     I've always loved you in that robe!
Ultrasafe:     Here, have some more wine.

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  1. No Experience in it .
    I wonder what women readers would have to say about this.

  2. I have to say I love that letter. Is it a real one? Makes perfect sense to me.

    As for the guide of the right things to say...well...where did I put that bottle of wine?

  3. Reminds me of this:

    Women Complain about Premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself.
    Roseanne Barr
    American comedienne and actress

    Makes sense...


    Desi Girl

  4. I love the letter! Hilarious & kinda true :D

  5. ahh yes have read the letter...and I agree 'Who can have Happy Period?' morons...

  6. ''SPOT ON'' word per ''flow''


  7. what if she doesn't like wine. any suggestions?

  8. hahahaah
    i thoroughly enjoyed reading it

  9. I have seen a girl wriggling on the floor with pain...nothing happy about it! she is right!
    and the worst thing is that none around the woman understand what she is going thru...a curse! Oh Yes! that's exactly what it is!

  10. That letter makes complete sense to me! I would beg to differ on the handy guide tips though :P If he ever says " Here, have some wine" so many times, I would definitely crash the wine bottle on his head and ask him to get lost :D Aah well,that's me!

  11. The F16 part was the funniest part! ROFL