Monday, March 22, 2010

Millatry wit and humor !!

 Millatry wisdom

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." –Infantry Journal

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." –U.S. Air Force Manual

"Tracers work both ways." –U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five second fuses only last three seconds." –Infantry Journal

"Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once."

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."

"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him." –USAF Ammo Troop

"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."

"When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."

"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up... the pilot dies."

The three most common aviation expressions are "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?", and "Oh, Sh¡t!"

"Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight."

"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"

"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime." –sign over Squadron Ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970

"If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."

Millatry Anecdotes

"If the main parachute malfunctions," he asked, "how long do we have to deploy the reserve?"
Looking the trooper square in the face, the instructor replied, "The rest of your life."

My wife, Dolores, never quite got the hang of the 24-hour military clock. One day she called the orderly room and asked to speak with me. The person who answered told her to call me at the extension in the band rehearsal hall. "He can be reached at 4700, ma'am," the soldier advised.
With a sigh of exasperation, my wife responded, "And just what time is that?"

My brother and I arrived at boot camp together. On the first morning, our unit was dragged out of bed by our drill sergeant and made to assemble outside. "My name's Sergeant Jackson," he snarled. "Is there anyone here who thinks he can whip me?"
My six-foot-three, 280-pound brother raised his hand and said, "Yes, sir, I do."
Our sergeant grabbed him by the arm and led him out in front of the group. "Men," he said, "this is my new assistant. Now, is there anyone here who thinks he can whip both of us?"

Going over our weekly training schedule one morning at our small Army garrison, we noticed that our annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second time, but that our semi–annual physical-fitness test was still on as planned. "Does it bother anyone else," one soldier asked, "that the Army doesn't seem concerned with how well we can shoot, yet is extremely interested in how fast we can run?"

The colonel who served as inspector general in our command paid particular attention to how personnel wore their uniforms. On one occasion he spotted a junior airman with a violation. "Airman," he bellowed, "what do you do when a shirt pocket is unbuttoned?"
The startled airman replied, "Button it, sir!"
The colonel looked him in the eye and said, "Well?"
At that, the airman nervously reached over and buttoned the colonel's shirt pocket.

Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, my Marine husband called home one evening to tell me he would be late. "Dirty magazines were discovered in the platoon quarters," he said, "and the whole squad is being disciplined."
I launched into a tirade, arguing that Marines should not be penalized for something so trivial.
My husband interrupted. "Honey, when I said ‘dirty magazines,’ I meant the clips from their rifles hadn’t been cleaned."