Thursday, April 29, 2010

Got nothing better to do..

Here are some of the most amusing letters received by editors of leading newspapers. Although most of the letters have been written just for the sake of writing nonetheless they are amusing


Letters to the Editor
by Alan Meiss
________________________________________
Dear Sir:
I feel I must write to take exception to the disparaging tone evident in your coverage of the Sea Lamprey. Contrary to popular belief, Sea Lampreys are gentle and loving creatures, not the bloodthirsty "parasites" you make them out to be. I have 19 Lampreys I've raised from infancy, and they have enriched my life with their playful antics. As I write this, I am sitting in the tank of my seventh Lamprey, Bernice, who is attached to my shin. It is simply human ignorance which breeds fear of these creatures, for the anti-coagulent they secret makes their feeding painless, turning it into a loving communion between human and sea creature. I simply take ordinary precautions, such as not allowing them to attach to my eyeballs. Please, practice responsible journalism and dispel these cruel myths about an essential member of God's diverse creation.
Sincerely,
M.P.
________________________________________
Dear Editor,
Please, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, print this letter!
Thank you,
J.H.
________________________________________
Dear Editor:
I must point out a glaring error made in last Tuesday's obituary page. I am not, in fact, dead, as you reported. Nor is my name even Clarence Fenbrook, as you stated, it is Roger Wembly, and I am a spritely 52 years of age rather than the figure of 74 you printed. I am also neither a Shriner nor an enthusiast of Naval History as your piece reported. In fact, absolutely nothing at all in your article was correct! I believe you have a responsibility to the community to get your facts straight, and I hope you will do so in the future.
Undeceasingly yours,
Roger Wembly
________________________________________
Dear Editor:
My daughter & I had just finished a salad at Neiman-Marcus Cafe in Dallas & decided to have a small dessert. Because our family are such cookie lovers, we decided
(*RIP* crumple, crumple)
________________________________________Dear Friends,
My name is Dave Rhodes. In September 1988 my car was reposessed and the bill collect
(*RIP* crumple crumple *BANG* *BANG* *BANG*)
________________________________________
Dear OPPessor of the Podunkese-American PeoPle:
It is with the greatest outrage that I write to you over the continued victimization of my People, the Noble Podunkese- Americans. You daily assault our dignity with your lack of ProPer coverage of Podunkese-American achievements. I have yet to see any mention of the True Facts of our discovery of the telePhone, mathematics, and ancient voyages to Vens. I demand that this bigotry and marginalization of the Podunkese cease immediately, and that henceforth you accord us our ProPer dignity by caPitalizing at all times the letter P in recognition of our true sPiritual stature.
Teacher of Truth,
RalPh Podunkus
________________________________________
Dear Ed:
Yes, that's right, I simply called you Ed, rather than Editor. How did it feel? Did you not feel belittled? Small? Well, that is how I felt the preceding Wednesday, when, in your coverage of my (false) arrest for mopery, you simply abbreviated my name as "L. G. Smith." This terse monicker insults the dignity of my true Christian name and the honor of my sainted parents who bestowed it upon me. It is indeed a sad day when your reckless haste to grab a "scoop" outweighs the respect you owe to those you cover.
Sincerely,
Lord Grand High Poobah Chancellor Of The Exchequer Phineas Edwardo Ponce De Leon Brouhaha Naughty Bits Pinchwiggle Smith III

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