Sunday, May 9, 2010

Random weird thoughts

 Well if there is one thing I am good at then it is thinking,I can think for hours on end just thinking,in fact I guess years of practice has made me an expert thinker,so here are some of my better writable thoughts :)

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going the wrong way? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch, or your phone, or make a grand arm gesture, and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the vicinity thinks you're crazy by randomly changing directions on the sidewalk.

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was young.

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me.
I will never again end a work email with the phrase "Regards."

I would rather try to carry ten plastic grocery bags in each hand than make two trips to bring in my groceries.

LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say."

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

My brother's municipal league baseball team is named The Stepdads. Since none of them are actually stepdads, I asked about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us."

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said, "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies."


What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

Bad decisions make good stories.

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after tilting your chair back too far.

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day.

When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from a little mild Internet stalking.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle. Then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

Sometimes I'll look down at my watch three times and still not remember what time it is.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

When I found out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment stemmed from the fact that I was unaware of my condition in college.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and pinning the tail on the donkey, but everyone can find and push the snooze button in under a second, eyes closed, first time, every time.

The other night I ordered takeout and, when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, the person who packed my order thought about it and then decided that at least four people were required to eat all that food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like you're fat just before dinner.

9 comments:

  1. Witty witty humor!:)
    I like!:)
    And am still thinking:P

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  2. OOOhhh... I loved it!! I loved it and I loved it!! Awesome reading it!!

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  3. this is fantastic....LOL really..LOL.

    Most of the points are so true...we just don't accept them :)

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  4. LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say."
    So true.. awesome !!!

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  5. Wow!!! This is just super duper hilarious. I can so totally relate to most of what you have said. Awesome read!!!

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  6. ha ha ha...three W for u...Witty, wonderful, weird :P

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  7. I kinda like the idea of hiring two investigators watching over each other. ;)
    I love the way you think!
    Retards,
    You got me.

    ReplyDelete