Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Ohhh man!!!

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country
                                                   Elayne Boosler

After careful weeding and scrounging the web, compiled is a list of some of the most witty observations on men …I hope it will be the most amusing list you will ever come across

 Men and women all in all, behave just like our basic sexual elements. If you watch single men on a weekend night they really act very much like sperm - all disorganized, bumping into their friends, swimming in the wrong direction. "I was first." "Let me through." "You're on my tail." "That's my spot." They're like the Three Billion
Stooges. But the egg is very cool: "Well, who's it going to be? I can divide. I can wait a month. I'm not swimming anywhere."

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my friend’s husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little
bit of freedom.

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

 If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season.

 Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.

 The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.

 Don't try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.

 All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. My girlfriend sleep with one under her pillow, instead of a gun.

 Men love watches with multiple functions. My friend’s husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.

 All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.

 Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

 Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.

 Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

 Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo."

 Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.

 If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

 Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE twice, voluntarily.

 Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"

 If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget...he didn't lose your number...he didn't die. He just didn't want to call you.

 Men hate to lose. I once beat my friend’s husband at tennis. She asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."

 Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you...I want to marry you...I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.

 Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch:"Thanks." On the other side:"Ruth, you look great." Ruth: "I do? Must be the lighting."

 Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.

Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women's dresses usually button and zip in the back. Women need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.

Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheros. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.

 Men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony.

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  1. HE HE HE..the tuxedo thing was hilarious..

    I don't agree with self image thing...I never had a Barbie...and I loved Spiderman and batman..and wanted to have super powers like them...

  2. I am with LP on the self image point. Never played with dolls, especially Barbie. Who says women are low on self image? :P

    The last two are apt observations :) Enjoyed the post WJ!

  3. I was rotfl on reading the black tuxedo one !! :D damn good collection!!

  4. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. My girlfriend sleep with one under her pillow, instead of a gun.

    It's so freakin' true! And how wouldn't it be, that thing is like a heavy machinery -.-

  5. hahahaha.... bullshit yaar .... extreme hilarious, mindblowing

    what an observation dude .... when will ur next post come...???

  6. Seriously funny.keep it up.