Sunday, July 4, 2010

Five Questions which might cause your divorce...

According to sassy magazine ,There are five things that women should never, ever ask a guy

The five questions are:
1.    "What are you thinking?"
2.    "Do you love me?"
3.    "Do I look fat?"
4.    "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
5.    "What would you do if I died?"
What makes these questions so bad is that everyone is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly.
For example:

1. "What are you thinking?"The proper answer to this question, of course is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent, beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:
1.    Baseball
2.    Football
3.    How fat you are
4.    How much prettier she is than you
5.    How he would spend the insurance money if you died
The best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd be talking instead of thinking."
The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:

2. "Do you love me?"The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear." Wrong answers include:
1.    I suppose so.
2.    Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
3.    That depends on what you mean by "love".
4.    Does it matter?
5.    Who, me?

3. "Do I look fat?"The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then quickly leave the room. Wrong answers include:
1.    I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either.
2.    Compared to what?
3.    A little extra weight looks good on you.
4.    I've seen fatter.
5.    Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

4. "Do you think she's prettier than me?"The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were staring at so hard that you almost caused a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier." Wrong answers include:
1.    Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
2.    I don't know how one goes about rating such things.
3.    Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
4.    Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner.
5.    Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.

5. "What would you do if I died?"Correct answer: "Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way."

Hey if you want to be featured on our blog then visit our page

14 comments:

  1. Good ones. Must read for the married one. I think I'll also keep a note of it for my future.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Very funny and thought provoking. Keep it up :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. while the other questions feature a list of 'wrong answers' the last one obviously doesn't because then a Domino's truck is not needed!:) Good to laugh at oneself and one's own sex! nice collection as usual!

    ReplyDelete
  4. :) Right answers are helpful.

    ReplyDelete
  5. quite funny indeed and yes women do ask these questions but I guess some of them are too clichéd now after having seen them in nearly all sitcoms :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Re number 4, I would just generally avoid directly answering any question concerning another woman's looks. I even keep schtum when my wife asks me "do you think she is pretty" when a particularly attractive woman appears on the TV - even though the question is not relative!

    ReplyDelete
  7. So true, very funny, some questions need not be asked.
    kim

    ReplyDelete
  8. Just goes to show how complicated us girls are!
    Answering those questions would be like walking into a Black Widows web and not knowing if you are going to make it out alive.

    Some things are best unsaid!

    Thanks for the follow! Come by and visit my other blog, the preschool one is on summer vacation.

    www.mydogarchie.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  9. really luvd the insurance part, probably the most important thought.... lol... :-)

    ReplyDelete
  10. :-D This was funny apart from being informative..


    Pixellicious Photos

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi witty jester! surely u r going to save many marriages!!! funny post! good work!

    ReplyDelete
  12. "Compared to what? " .. LOLz,,really hilarious :)
    http://hellisnext.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete