Tuesday, July 13, 2010

"What Happened to All the Nice Guys?"

So often have we heard girls complain,"What Happened to All the Nice Guys?"Well they are in luck because I just found out the answer from a Recovering Nice Guy....Lets hear it from the horse's mouth

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy whom you were dating treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an weirdo than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your bullshit
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab hold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've f#*!ed yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't  f#*!ing want you, now.


A Recovering Nice Guy

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  1. yeah, good guys always are seen as just friends. Girls feel they are boring, not of their type. They run after all exciting flirts and contacts these harmless friends when they are sad or need support. Well, these nice guys are taken for granted and then kept away like trash.Nice post.

  2. of course not... I don't think so..it's just a case of grapes sour..my guy is everything I wanted.. n he's not a douchebag or non-attentive aloof bf as you put it! He is my best friend n I have never thought of him as all those terms you thought girls attach to attentive nice guys, not even prior to dating... In fact, these qualities of his made me fall in love with him..Nice guys do exist but only luck gets you one of em..usually we end up meeting all the idiots..and they are a-plenty..n that's when you wonder Where all the nice guys are.. and they are there..you just need to find them...

  3. haha! so true...

  4. Reality check hurts?

    Well written.

  5. hehe! agree agree! well written!

  6. Well, it's the law of adverse selection and the way people select those with the best genes.

    Since we always want those who are just a little "too good" for us, it stands to reason that a person who's easily available to you is a little "too bad" for you!

    Which is why Insurance companies for example are always suspicious of those who desperately want a policy. At the same time, they want to sell policies to those who don't want them!

    There are exceptions of course, but that's the way it usually works. If you're courting a woman, never NEVER let her know that you'd like to win her over :)

  7. Nice post. Nicely put forth. Although, I don't agree with the fact that All the girls look through the nice guys, I understand how a nice guy would feel in such a situation:)

  8. I agree with Nehha that all girls are not so insensitive as to ignore nice guys for jerks. But the fact is that nice guys must feel so bad to be just usat gives, ed and discarded! This is not like the usual witty selection, but more like a rant post, what gives, WJ?