Thursday, August 12, 2010

I am late!!

Digging the archives :)

Actual Tube Announcements

These are some real announcements made by London Tube (subway) train drivers
to their passengers and collected by Annie Mole 
.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay  to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound tracks and head in the opposite direction."

"Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from elbow and backside syndrome; that is, not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any."

"Do you want the good news or the bad news first? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our destination anytime soon."

"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now: Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall....'"

"We are now travelling through Baker Street, as you can see Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think about things like that."

"Please use all available doors, there are some really good ones at the front of the train!"

As the train was approaching, the guard piped up "Would everybody please take one big step backwards please!" After a small pause, the guard made a different request "Anybody with their back to the platforms edge, who are on the yellow line, please ignore my last message!". 

"When you're leaving the train, ensure you elbow your way out so that you get to the escalator before anyone else does....that was irony by the way" 

During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: "Step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman. Unfortunately towels will not be provided."

"Let the passengers off the train first!" (pause) "Oh, go on then. Stuff yourselves in like sardines. See if I care! I'm going home!"

"Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please hold the doors open.' The two are distinct and separate instructions."

"To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage: What part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?"

7 comments:

  1. We just got back from London so this is a delight. Looking into your forum question, but I am late for my massage.

    ReplyDelete
  2. i wud sing a song now
    kar witty witty LOL;)
    copied from gal mithi mithi ot some thng from aisha;) :P

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am now in London but unfortunately not have had the opportunity to hear any such announcements yet. I am hopeful though. :) Must say that the Brits have a sense of humour, don't they?

    ReplyDelete
  4. i wonder how a mind can work in such a witty way as urs... :-p!!!

    ReplyDelete