Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Making her happpyyyyyy!!!!!

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one  single rule applies:  Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't  get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.



Here is a guide to the points system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed.....+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows .....0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1
You go out to buy her Roses....+5
  in the snow.....+8
  but return with beer.....-5
  and no roses.....-25

You check out a suspicious noise at night ..... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing..... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.....+5
You pummel it with a six iron.....+10
 It's her cat.....-40

AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party..... 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy.....-2
  named Tiffany.....-4
  Tiffany is a dancer.....-10
  with breast implants.....-18

HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday..... 0
You buy a card and flowers..... 0
You take her out to dinner..... 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.....+1
Okay, it is a sports bar.....-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your  face is painted the colors of your favorite team.....-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal..... 0
The pal is happily married.....+1
The pal is single.....-7
He drives a Ferrari.....-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED).....-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie.....+2
You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
You take her to a movie you hate.....+6
You take her to a movie you like.....-2
It's called Death Cop 3.....-3
which features Alines that eat humans.....-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it....+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.....-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".....-800

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding.....-10
You reply, "Where?".....-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your butt".....-100
Any other response.....-20

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned statement..... 0
You listen, for over 30 minutes.....+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.....+50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying, "Well, what do you think I should do".....-50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV.....+100
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep.....-200


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8 comments:

  1. Loved the way the negative points are awarded far more times than the positive points..
    Dhiraj

    ReplyDelete
  2. I read this as a part of a chain mail forward (a sample here http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080621201803AAdrFQo)

    Did not expect this from you Jester!!!

    The least you should have done was to acknowledge this as a part mail forward!

    ReplyDelete
  3. @Aashish Sood Man u should have read the disclaimer,the link is at the top of the page.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have now read your disclaimer WJ. And, to me, that does not pardon you from copy pasting as most of the readers, like me, are under the illusion that the articles are composed by you and which was, to me, a big charm of your blog; supposedly YOUR witty humour.

    But as you say, you couldn't care any less for any difference in opinion and definitely would not lose any sleep over that.

    Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
  5. @Aashish Sood:I apologize if you found the disclaimer rude, but it was never wrote with the intent of offending anyone, but I realized people might misinterpret it and hence have rectified it. Like all bloggers I have high respect for my readers, but I stand by what I have mentioned in the Disclaimer, my (regular) readers are well aware of the fact that I am a mere collector, since it has been mentioned in the very first post of the blog, and just because I am unable to track down the source of the content shouldn’t refrain me with sharing it with my readers ,mentioning the location of the place where I find the content is highly infeasible because the content I share has been so widely scattered that I could name a couple of hundred of sites which might have shared the same content .So what am I doing special, when there are other hundred sites which offer the same thing as I do???Everyone has a unique sense of humor and so do I, and that’s the only reason I have retouched it according to my own sensibilities, people whose taste coincides with that of mine enjoy spending time here."Copy paste" as you mentioned would be wrong if i was actually stealing some indivisuals work,I am sharing with my readers all that is common knowledge.Why am I explaining this to you???Because you are the very first person who has expresses his concern about my style of blogging, and I felt I should keep my point of view, I respect your opinion and I hope you will mine.
    Witty jester.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dear WJ

    First off... no offence meant and none taken. I do know that these are opinions of individuals which may differ but hold value for the original perpetrator.

    Secondly as the first comment on this post, which incidentally you removed, seemed to suggest that she atleast did not realise that this was a "collection" and not an original post. My point of contention is not that you are "collecting" but that you are not acknowledging enough that you are doing it... You may have put a notice in your first post or in disclaimer but how many people have seen it in-toto? I am sure that you can verify that fact through the same tool with which you suggest that your blog receives like thousand visitors a day. How many times, when you start visiting a blog, have you gone to the first post and/or read the disclaimer? I know I haven't, barring a couple of cases. Which, in essence, means that most of the newcomers remain blissfully unaware of the facts that you may have mentioned in the first post and/or in disclaimer.

    So, what is to stop you to mention the same thing in a couple of lines in a widget in the body of the blog itself? Or, for that matter, as a PS in the post only.

    I know I would have done that. But will you?

    ReplyDelete
  7. @Aashish Sood:How many joke sites or humor sites have you come across which mention the source of every joke or lack of it therof….I am not saying that just because a lot of people do it gives me the liberty to do it too, but I am merely suggesting that after having actively contributed to this niche for more then seven months now ,I am fairly versed with the ethics of operating in this domain. Had I been a blogger in the conventional sense of saying; that is had my website been a medium to air my opinions, then it would have been really not suitable to pass others content as my own, but sites catering to this niche have visitors who are looking for amusement, people enjoy content of my site irrespective of the fact whether I have penned it or not,as I have previously mentioned I do not embezzle anyone’s intellectual property then I see no reason to add a widget or a note to every post as a constant reminder to myself or the reader, and the content on this website is all MY witty humor, because I assure you that handpicking content from every corner of the web and editing it according to my sense of humor kind of personalizes it. I cannot debate your style of doing it because everyone has a distinctive style of doing it and a different perspective about the way things ought to be done.
    PS. Removing that post was obviously not the right thing to do but it was too tempting to resist and as Oscar Wilde says” The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it”No sarcasm intended throughout

    ReplyDelete