Friday, January 14, 2011

Humor: Saving and taking lives since eternity!!!!

From the archives 


The only sarcasm and humor worth noticing are the one which are subtle, included in this post are a couple of articles which certainly won’t have u rolling on the floor with laughter but will definitely bring a smile on your face.
Letter from Wayne ...

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try to show some understanding. My name is Wayne , and let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Beverly. 

When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Bev to get a full time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. 

Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home  from work. Although she knows how hungry I am,  she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the country club, so eating out again at night is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooking when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating, but now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that the dishes won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
      
Another symptom of aging is complaining. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think that this is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice ,big, cold glass of freshly squeezed Lemonade and just sit for a while.  And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too --- or just bring me a cold beer in a frosted mug.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Bev, and I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older, but, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this letter, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other. 
Signed,  
Wayne

EDITOR'S NOTE:  

Wayne died tragically on March 1st of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing and with a sledge hammer lying nearby. 
His wife Beverly was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Wayne somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.



DAMN FINE EXPLANATION     

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.
The wife was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.'
'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.

She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days. So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.

The poor thing devoured them in moments.Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.I also gave her the lingrie that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste. 

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.

The husband took a quick breath and continued -  'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?'

3 comments:

  1. Hilarious.
    But I agree with Ana above. :D

    ReplyDelete
  2. You were wrong. IT had me ROFL when I read the all-women jury's verdict. Justice was delivered indeed :)

    ReplyDelete